The Aftermath of Falling in Love
by Madness Hamster
Summary: There's a reason Dean doesn't have relationships. There's too much at stake.


**The Aftermath of Falling in Love**

DISCLAIMER: If it were mine, Dean would take his top off a hell of a lot more. 'Nuff said.

A/N - First Supernatural fic - please be gentle!

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Dean could feel his brothers eyes on him, knew that he was waiting for Dean to say something to break the silence and get him to stop staring. Every single time, he promised he wasn't going to break, and every single time he cracked under the weight of those deep brown eyes. 

"Dude, what?" He turned his face from the road to stare right back at Sam and snapped, annoyed at himself for giving in again.

"You could at least have said goodbye."

So that was his problem.

"I did say goodbye," he defended himself half-heartedly, not being able to work up any indignity.

"Yeah, this morning before you left her apartment, like you have for the past 4 and a half weeks."

"So?" Dean concentrated on the dark road ahead of him and tried to ignore those damn accusing eyes.

"So? She's gonna be expecting to see you at the bar again tonight." At Dean's silence, Sam pressed on, "even _I_ thought you actually liked her, Dean. I'm pretty sure she really liked you too. We didn't have to leave just yet, you know, we could have stayed longer."

"Drop it, Sammy," the new brusqueness in Dean's tone should have warned Sam.

"I just don't get it, Dean, why bother telling her your real name if you were just gonna leave her without even telling her? You actually went on _dates_ with this woman, hell, you even met her friends."

"I said shut up, Sam," he growled, shooting him a look which left no room for argument.

"I was only saying," Sam defended weakly.

"I don't wanna hear it."

They drove on in silence for a while, Dean grudgingly thinking over his little brother's words.

He was right. One thing that had always annoyed him about Sam was how well he could read Dean.

The truth was, Dean _had_ liked Mandy. He'd liked the smile she flashed him in the bar their first night in the small town, the honey blonde hair that bounced halfway down her back, the oh-so-brief hint of pink lace that had peeked over the top of her dark jeans as she leaned over her table to hug a friend.

Of course, the thing that really clinched it was the way she shot him down the first time he'd tried to charm her.

_"Call that a pick up line?" She laughed softly, "go sit down, come back in 5 minutes and say something intelligent, by the way, the old classics like 'hi, my name is...' still work, you know."_

He'd been rejected before – not often, but it happened – usually because the girl he was hitting on had a boyfriend. It didn't matter, there were plenty more girls in tight tops or short skirts hanging around the place, more interested in having a good time.

Which was why even he was surprised when he'd gone back over to her 5 minutes later to introduce himself politely and ask if he could buy her a drink.

_"That wasn't so hard, was it?" That damn twinkle in her bright green eyes was going to cause trouble, he knew it, "I'm Mandy Gunn, nice to meet you Dean. I'd love a Jack and coke, thanks."_

The hunt he and Sam were there for was over in a few days, but with a general dearth of supernatural activity country wide they figured they might as well stick around for a while, giving Sam a chance to relax and visit the library like the geek he was, and affording Dean the opportunity to see more of Mandy.

They went on dates. Real live dates. He couldn't believe it,_ him_, Dean Winchester, chief of the one night stands and, occasionally, one week 'things'.

But with her, when she said he would have to ask her out properly, take her to dinner, or to a movie, he did it. He got Sam to check that he wasn't under some voodoo curse first, but eventually he took her out to dinner, left her at her door with a kiss and went back to the motel.

Sam couldn't believe it. The floppy haired college boy laughed for days when his womanising brother actually started thinking about a girl with his upstairs brain. He'd never have thought it could happen, but the more time he spent with the woman, the more time he actually wanted to spend with her.

The weeks had passed in a haze, with nothing to hunt and Sam doing whatever it was he did during their rare downtime, Dean would spend days at a time with Mandy, actually talking to her. What Sam had said was true – he even met her friends.

_"Mandy!" They walked through the door of the bar, the one in which she'd smiled at him 2 weeks before, and a table of girls had suddenly erupted, shouting so loudly at them that Dean considered investigating whether any of them were banshees._

_Mandy shot them a smile and a wave, before turning to him._

_"Sorry, I didn't know they'd be here, we can go somewhere else if you want?"_

If any other girl had offered him that choice, Dean would definitely had suggested a 'quiet night' back at her place, but for some reason he'd wanted to stay. They spent the evening socialising with her friends. Under normal circumstances, being surrounded by at least six or seven women would have pushed him into sensory overload, but he had only eyes for Mandy.

That was the first time he'd felt it, the thought tugging at the back of his mind, too timid to break through.

It took a couple more weeks for it to hit him properly though.

_He woke that morning in a bed in a room that felt more familiar to him than most of the beds he woke up in on a daily basis. Rolling over, he smiled at Mandy's sleeping form, her hair spread out the back of her in the mess it usually was in the mornings, her eyes tightly shut and a small smile on her face as if something good was happening in her dreams._

_He didn't want to wake her, but when he slipped off the bed quietly, the bed shifted and she stirred in her sleep. When he turned back to look at her, her eyes were open and she was still smiling that soft smile up at him._

_"Morning," she murmured, a huskiness to her voice that told more than her bright eyes did that she'd just woken._

_"Morning," he leaned over and kissed her gently, "go back to sleep, I was just going to take a shower. Want me to make you some coffee before I go back to the motel?"_

_"Nope, I'm gonna go back to sleep for a while," she'd already shut her eyes again, "just shower quietly."_

_"Alright, I won't wake you up. Bye."_

_He was at the bedroom door before her next words hit him._

_"Love you."_

_His heart stopped and he stood for a couple of seconds, his mind blank. Eventually, he managed to wrench his legs into movement and turned to look back at her. Mandy's eyes were closed once more and her slow, steady breathing meant she'd fallen back asleep, the words a mumble while her mind was drifting off._

_Not many people had said those words to him, and of those who did, most of them were related to him – his mother, his brother, even on occasion his father. Now here was a girl he'd known less than two months and she was saying them to him as though it were the most natural thing in the world._

_What shocked him even more, though, was the response he gave._

_"Love you too."_

He hadn't even bothered taking a shower. The second after those words left his lips and his brain caught up to the fact that his heart actually meant them, he was out the door.

Slamming into the motel room 15 minutes later, he threw Sam's duffel bag at his lanky figure comatose on the bed, not even waiting for him to properly wake up before shouting at him gruffly, "pack your stuff, Sammy, we're going."

It wasn't long before they were on the road, Sam clutching a cardboard coffee cup like it was the only thing keeping him upright in the seat and asking confused questions.

Dean had explained that, no, he hadn't had a fight with Mandy, no, she had nothing to do with it, his hunters instincts were acting up and staying in one place for any length of time always made him jittery, Sam should know that.

And then there'd been the conversation about saying goodbye to Mandy. Dean had to admit, that one had blindsided him.

He knew why he had to leave. He also knew that Sam would never understand. His sweet, naïve little brother, who still believed in all the good in the world, despite everything he saw.

He wouldn't be able to comprehend what Dean was saying even if he could find the words to explain what he knew to be the truth. Which he never would because it would come out far too much like a chick flick moment.

Falling in love brought nothing but trouble. Heartache. Unbelievable pain.

He'd seen it happen to the two people he cared about most in the world. Dad had fallen apart after mom's death, and it was Dean who'd had to pick up the pieces of Sammy after Jess.

Dean wasn't as strong as them. He knew that, he accepted it. With the life they led, there was no way he could let himself be that vulnerable. It was selfish, but he couldn't let himself go through the pain he'd watched them go through.

The one night stands, the different girl in every town, there was a reason for that far deeper that Sam believed. He wasn't ruled by his libido, despite the general opinion. He'd witnessed the aftermath of falling in love. It had hurt too deeply even watching the heartbreak that followed, there was no way he could go through that and come out the other side.

So he ran from it. The way he'd run from Cassie. The way Sam had run from Stanford.

Metallica blasting 'Enter Sandman' through the speakers of his baby, the warm comforting weight of the gun in the back of his jeans, his little brother sitting beside him. This was his life. This is what his life had been for years before, and what it would be for years to come.

"Dean?" Sam's voice broke through his thoughts.

"What is it?" They'd only been on the road a couple of hours but already Dean felt exhausted.

"I think we should stop for some lunch, I saw a sign for a burger joint," Dean couldn't help noticing the slightly worried tone of voice.

"Fine." Those eyes were on him again.

"Sammy, for God's sake, I'm fine, stop staring at me."

"No, you're not Dean." Dean spotted the turnoff for the roadside café Sam had mentioned and pulled into it.

He didn't say another word until he'd shut off the engine, the silence abruptly expanding through the large car as the music stopped.

Looking into those troubled puppy dog eyes, Dean sighed. Maybe his brother knew him better than he thought.

"Dude, it's cool, I'm alright. Just find me something to hunt."

With that, he opened the car door and stepped out into the sunlit parking lot.

Yeah, that was it. He needed something to hunt, get back to what he knew.

Who knew, he might come back one day. Once all this was over, when the demon was dead.

_'Bye Mandy,'_ he couldn't help thinking of her as he and Sam strolled into the dive.

He had the feeling he would be thinking of her for a while.

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A/N2 - Reviews make me smile ) 


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